I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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