If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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