my mouth tastes like poor choices
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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