spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
