I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
