My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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