True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
