I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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