Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
two words...techno handjob
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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