And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
BRING THE BAGELS
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
