Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize