literally had 100 drinks last night.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
