Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
