babies were throwing up all over the place
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
