How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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