I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
