That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
