I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
