So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
