remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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