After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
