So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
