omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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