my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
