in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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