You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
