they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
