I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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