it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize