You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Randomize
