life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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