She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
His hands were made for my vagina.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
