soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize