Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
