Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize