Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
