How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
