he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize