I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
