Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
it's like heaven, but drunker
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
