My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
