explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
