He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
wow bdsm is so cute
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
