Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
