I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
40s are totally the cure
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
