I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
