Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
