Nicole vs. Life
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize