just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
