Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
