omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
