he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize