meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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