I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
