apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
