"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
