We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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