Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
