You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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