today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize