I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
