there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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