Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
