I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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