If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
