Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
