Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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