My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
