i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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