I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
