Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
