I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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