We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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