If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
