I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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