remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
