Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
