easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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