Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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