So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
So here I am, sexting at work.
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