Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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