i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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